Sincerely, Future You - Kelsey Smith
"I'm doing is I'm setting an example for her when mommy's working. Mommy's working, but I'm always going to come back, I'm always going to be there for you. I'm always going to be there when you need me. So the thing is, she has no idea what that means. But she is going to understand that one day". Coach Jessica McKinley Talks to Kelsey Smith about how you can design systems around your business and household as you welcome a child into your life.
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Full Transcript
Kelsey Smith 0:00
You can have it all. You don't have to choose you can do whatever you want. Don't give up on your dreams you are building this for them and let them reap the rewards of your hard work.
Jessica McKinley 0:14
Welcome to Sincerely, Future You a podcast for female entrepreneurs looking to scale their business by mastering their time, money and drama. I'm your host, Jessica McKinley, founder of what's happening coaching, a life coaching program that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind.
Kelsey Smith 0:39
Hi, Happesters! Do we have a treat for you today. But before I dive in and introduce my guest, I wanted to give you a little recap. So we are now a couple of weeks underway into happening sessions and people are just getting results so much quicker than in the past. I think this always happens right? With any good program. If you are delivering the same program over and over again, you should see faster and faster results because the person running the program should get better at understanding what's working and what isn't so that the results get more efficient. But every time I'm still shocked by this, and how quickly people have the capacity to get results. So I wanted to shout out the hipster OF THE WEEK inside happening sessions and share a little quote from her that she just messaged me this week saying so the hamster of the week this week is Sarah Kay. Sarah said just wanted to share that going into this week, the week after I just got back from vacation. I have one konsult Follow up two consults, one of whom literally messaged me that she's my next client, and a renewal conversation, who called me to say that she wants to continue for her. And for one of her employees. It's the first frickin week of the month. And this is really fun, especially for Sarah, because she had come off of a couple of months of what we like to call a drought, which if you're a business owner, you've all experienced it right? We as entrepreneurs know that. Business. And demand isn't something that we view as predictable. But actually, that is something that I teach you through happening sessions, how to create and build demand, and how to use the way that you think about your time and your money to create that. And people are already starting to get some quick wins in that department. And Sarah is no stranger to it. So I just wanted to shout her out. I'm so proud of you. I love the way that you're measuring and tracking so that you can actually see not just the revenue, but in terms of consults and all of the conversations, how they're shifting. And all of that stems from the belief that you have and practicing that belief in the future of 2022. So shout out to Sarah. And now I have a guest on the show. You guys know that typically, I'm pretty sure in the entire 110 episodes or whatever we're on. We have only ever had my clients on as guests on the show, I think we've had like a handful, like maybe two or three other guests. But recently, I was talking to a friend of mine who is also a CEO and a mother. Her name is Kelsey Smith, and she's a mentor to women who both build their businesses and prioritize their health while raising babies. And we were just chatting about life and our own personal situations, as you'll come to hear in our conversation, we're both expecting you guys know that I am. And we both have a kid as well of our own. So we're in similar phases of life, just kind of all around. And we wanted to talk to you guys about motherhood and being a CEO, those two self concepts that we see out in the world being marketed as very different pursuits. And even the people that are pursuing both of them, seem to compartmentalize them and feel like they need to focus on one or the other, or they're constantly sacrificing one for the other. And I wanted to talk to someone who I really respect out there who doesn't make excuses for either and really prioritizes and values both equally so that we can maybe shed some light on how we've managed to what we've managed to figure out so far and what we're still in, in progress of learning. So without further ado, Kelsey. Welcome.
Oh, I'm so excited to be here. That was such a fun introduction. Thanks for having me. Yeah. So tell us a little bit about like, well, first of all, tell them how we met and kind of a little bit more about what you do I give a little bit of a mysterious intro to to what you do. Yeah. So we met through network marketing, actually, I think it was, gosh, I mean, I've been in it for now, eight years, and I'm pretty sure you started around the same time as, like, 2015. Okay, yeah. So I started in 2014. So we're really close, we actually have a the same start. I'm in an upline, so it was kind of cool, because the best part about network marketing to me is the people that you get to meet from all over the world. And so I know that you and I, we connected on a lot of different things. I think your son was super little, obviously, whenever we first started this whole thing, but it's cool now because I now have a really little kid. And no, I think that that guy said, network marketing is just such a cool thing. Because you get the relationships that come out of that, and the people that you get to meet, it's just super special. And I'm just obviously super grateful to have you in my life and to see everything that you've accomplished up to this spot thus far. And being on here right now. It's just, it's just so cool. It's a full circle moment.
Jessica McKinley 6:09
It is a full circle moment. And there's like a very specific reason why Kelsey, and I gravitated to each other, which is that we're both
Kelsey Smith 6:16
Oh, Steelers fan.
Jessica McKinley 6:18
We're both hardcore Steelers fans, you guys. So you guys are listening. I don't really talk about that too much on this podcast.
Kelsey Smith 6:28
Right?
Jessica McKinley 6:29
I believe black and gold. And Kelsey does as well. And I remember, well, so she didn't mention but we were both. Well, she is a beachbody coach, I still use Beachbody as the main form of my own personal fitness and nutrition development. But I don't coach actively anymore. But Beachbody was where I learned so many of the foundational tools that really helped me see myself as a CEO. Now, network marketing and social selling is intrapreneurial. It's not exactly entrepreneurial, right. Because you do have a foundation, you have something some maybe providing some trainings, maybe providing some systems, but then you also have the freedom and flexibility of entrepreneurship. And also you have that that same lack of a safety net that comes with entrepreneurship. So a lot of the same struggles in terms of managing your budget, creating demand all of that, and really just figuring out like, how do I run a business? Right? So we started around the same time, and Kelsey quickly, like climbed the ranks, and really just was thriving in this environment. Like you said, you were in business successfully for how long before you became pregnant? So I am? Well, I would say that, gosh, I started in 2014. And we got pregnant after going through almost two years of infertility, we finally got pregnant in July of 2019. So I was in business for a solid five years, plus years before actually like having that moment of being like violin pregnant. So I did have a lot of time under my belt in the business to navigate to navigate the whole like, like you said, like navigate the space, figure out who I was within the space, because there is when it comes to network marketing. And when it comes to these big companies, it's super easy to fall, to fall into the past and do what other people are doing. And I had that five years to truly come and discover who I was, and to make a name for myself in the business and to build my own brand through that company. Well, then, obviously, I got pregnant. I changed all over again, which I'm sure we'll talk a little bit about in a second. But I think that once I think that all the things that I went through prior to pregnancy actually prepared me for where I'm at right now, because I had so many ups and downs in business, and I still have so many ups and downs. Because you and I were talking about this a month and a half ago. I'm like, do like how's everything going? And I'm like, Well, you know, it's good. But there's always something there's always something as a business owner, yeah, five years. And we're always like moving that benchmark as well. So that never really goes away. Right? Like, if your goal previously was just to kind of stay above water. Now it's to maintain this level of rank, or it's to recruit this number of people. And there's always going to be that bit of stretch and struggle within an entrepreneurial or intrapreneurial role. So yeah, I think that that's totally healthy and normal, but you're you so you had it's so interesting because you had like five years, really to establish in your brain like I am Kelsey, the CEO, and a lot of people start their business after motherhood, or like during kind of pregnancy and I think that it really shapes the way that we think about it. So my experience was somewhat different, somewhat similar. So I had started Beachbody in 2015. I got pregnant, Calvin was born in December of 2016. So it was kind of like a year and a half before I had him. But it wasn't too long of a time before my brand slipped to being like, Okay, I'm a mom who works out now and who is navigating this part, as you know, with social selling, right, a huge part of what you are selling is your own journey is your own ability to overcome things. And I've, I've definitely adopted that model that I learned from my time with Beachbody into the way that I run my business. But I started this business after Calvin was really about like, a year at my business really take off until Calvin was about three years old, this practice that I have right now. And so now that I'm pregnant, and expecting a child in June, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I really have to rework the way that I think about being a CEO, and being a mom and navigating that as I bring a new baby, which is a whole craziness, you know, we're, I'm keeping it clean. For some reason. Today, I curse on the show all the time. But it's a it's a trip or put it that way, and to bring the newborn or the fourth-trimester stage. And I've been thinking about this so much. It's like, I don't want to compromise what I've built in terms of the self concept as a CEO. And I don't know if you've given too much thought to this, as well. So why don't you do?
Kelsey Smith 11:54
I'm due on August 28. So I'm two months behind you.
Jessica McKinley 11:57
Yes. So I've been thinking about this. Because while I don't want to change the way that I view or prioritize business, I do equally prioritize motherhood. So I want to make sure that I'm practicing in my brain right now, normalizing taking a maternity leave, which is not something I did with Calvin, because I didn't properly plan for budgets. I didn't know how to keep things running when I wasn't there. And I'm starting to think about those things. Now. I hear people say a lot. And so I'm going to do a whole separate episode on this you guys on rethinking maternity leave as an entrepreneur because I think that it's something that needs to happen more and more people, more and more women are starting businesses, and they're not giving up motherhood, necessarily. And so if you want both, you can build it doesn't have to be this period of time where you're just like hemorrhaging physically and emotionally and mentally during, during while you're trying to like heal and grow your business. So that being said, what are you kind of approaching differently this time around versus the time, the first time that you went into motherhood?
Kelsey Smith 13:18
So I was, I mean, I'm an Enneagram. Three, I'm an achiever. And I when I set goals, I go after these goals. So knowing like how I was going to handle my business, when I became a mom, that was never really a question for me, I knew that, like, we talked about it, it was still an it was a priority for me. I mean, this is what is a main source of income for our family. And I'm so grateful for everything that I've built and achieved over those last five years. And I had no intention of putting my foot on the gas just because now I have another responsibility in my life, even though it's the most oh my gosh, like being a mom is why I think I read a study the other day about how mom's work 98 hours a week, like that's our that's how much we're working like two full time jobs on top of what we're already doing. So I was looking at that stuff. And I was like, That makes no sense. And I kind of felt validated for us. I think it was like, No wonder I'm so tired all the freaking time. Like I'm working constantly to be the best mom and to be trying to juggle all these balls. Well, here's what I did wrong. I'm not saying did. I don't want to say I did it wrong because it helped me for a short period of time. I went into my first the birth of my daughter with a plan. I had three months of everything ready to go. So when I had her my business was pretty automated. And I definitely recommend that to all moms Right? Like when you're coming off that maternity leave, like newsletters were scheduled groups that I had going on, all my content was like, organized and ready to go. And when you have a new baby, it's super easy to you know, navigate social media because you're talking about how you're feeling in those moments. Well, what happened is the three months ended. And she's now I now have a three month old I'm starting to feel the effects of postpartum depression. Everything that was self automated by me for three months has come to a halt. And I am struggling to keep my head above the water. And so I'm thinking, I'm looking back on that experience now. And also like, let's just, you know, not beat around the bush, my daughter is two years old, I had my our state shutdown with a pandemic the day after she was born. So not only am I, you know, a CEO, I'm not only a new mom, I'm not only dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I'm also living in a pandemic. And so I'm very isolated and lonely, and I'm trying to hold my, you know, keep my business above the water and also be a president mom's my daughter. So I think that I tell you that because how I'm approaching is purchasing this one differently, is that I don't want to feel that pressure that I felt three months in of being like, Now what the heck do I do? I think that we we think we're being smart by getting ahead for that three months. But if we can just have a routine in our business that just makes sense within our new lifestyle from day one, we don't have to feel like we're constantly planning ahead or constantly behind. So my goal going into this little delivery of this one is to Yes, get ahead so I can have my maternity leaves. But also, I'm starting to navigate my schedule right now, where I'm 19 weeks pregnant, I'm starting to actually tweak my schedule, like I already have both babies here. So I actually work in pockets. I'm working in the mornings, I'm working very quickly, I'm adjusting thing, my spouse and saying this is what I need to do things. So I'm trying, I'm automating things. Now. I'm letting my business run without me. You know, I went to Disney World a couple weeks ago, and I did not do anything with my business. And it was self automated the entire week. So I was thinking to myself, How can I be an entrepreneur that is extremely at that has her business so streamline, that she can take time away, or she doesn't even if she needs like a second, the business is still running without her. Yeah, that's kind of my strategy right now is just like, don't get to that point where like telling myself like Kelsey, don't get to that point, again, where that three months is up and you're like crap, what do I do now? Start work starts living the schedule right now that you're going to be in, because I know Oh, my gosh, you probably know this to like two children. That's like 7000 children like it's going to be a mess.
Jessica McKinley 17:21
I don't know. And I'm terrified. Like I'm just let the record state that I am definitely have some trauma from the first year of my son being born. It wasn't done in a pandemic, I couldn't even imagine doubly having that isolation. I already felt like it was the most isolating year of my life, the first year that cabin was born. And I get coaching on it regularly. I just got coaching yesterday morning and was sobbing because I don't think I even realize what came up for me was all the subconscious thoughts. Yeah, of that, like this is going to having this baby is going to take away everything that I've built. And I want to say it'd be so transparent about this. Because I have also similarly to Kelsey, like, lots of automation, I've also gone from doing one on one, like, lots of clients moving to groups. So I have just a more flexible schedule, I just have less hours that I'm working in the week. And I planned that a year in advance so that I could move to that this spring so that by the time the baby came, I was mostly just working with, with group clients. And even with that being said, I have the fear that it's going to go away. And I don't think that there's a way for that to really completely go away. I just, I'm not going to pursue a solution for you guys to not have this thought ever pop up. I think that it's valid. And it's okay, I think what's more important is that you understand that you don't have to like it can be hard. And there's not going to be a clear path, like you said, like you can plan as much as you want. And it can be your fourth baby and you can be a total pro at it. And there's still just that element of transition time that you have to account for. So like all what are all of the ways and Kelsey mentioned just a couple that are so helpful even for me to hear because while this is my second child it is my first time really kind of going into like maternity leave or or I put that in quotes because I didn't take a maternity leave with cabinet all like I literally just was running Challenge Groups from the labor delivery unit like I was fully like still in my business and I was not making that much money. So every dollar really mattered. And I think they put that pressure on me to keep it going. And I know a lot of you listeners feel that way as well. So like, how can you prepare for this? Number one, obviously, the automation number two 1,000%. And I honestly, even when you said that I was like, Oh my God, that's what I'm doing. Like, I'm just focusing on the automation. Like, I'm not really thinking so much about what I want to be practicing, even during the maternity leave, that's like a little bit of work life type hours to understand like, ra, can I even just give myself a couple of hours towards the end of it to just like, ease myself back into it? What is that going to look like the communication with your partner, if you're, if you're entering motherhood with a partner, or whoever your support system is right, communicating with them about what you need. And then the other things that come to mind for me are really just that mental support. So for me, it's like, I know that I already invested and paid for a mastermind that starts in August, and I am not going into that mastermind being like, Okay, I'm going the same way I would previously, like I'm going into it for the container support system of other people, professional life coaches, who can help me see the thoughts that are spinning me out when I am experiencing, potentially postpartum, which I did experience with Calvin, when I am sleep deprived and not clear and stressing about something that is temporary, right? Surrounding yourself with that. So like, what what are your systems and tools for that for keeping your mind clean?
Kelsey Smith 21:46
Oh, goodness, I think that the the one thing that really saved me whenever I was in I was I'm very weird about this. And I'm not anymore. But I was very weird about this beginning. And that was going to talk to somebody. Yeah, like, I still have to have somebody that's outside of my immediate circle, to just hear me out and to talk to me. And so it's actually really crazy. Because when I was going through, you know, postpartum and I was I, when I went into and talk to therapists about all the things I was experiencing, going through. It wasn't even really postpartum was had nothing to do with the baby. Like, every time I went in there, he was pulling back layers of an onion. That was like, just like you said, it starts you start sobbing and you start thinking about all these different things about yourself and why you are the way that you are. So for me, I think like, I'm just being really proactive this time. Because for those of you who are first-time moms, you know, I know that you're going into this with like, we were talking as experienced with one thing we do have those memories already, we already know or change that first one is so unknown. And one thing that I will tell any mom, as I said, I always tell him like to protect your minds, your mindset to know what's coming up, there is no, okay, I can get on a soapbox real quick. But there we have 7 million 1000, whatever resources about how to take care of a baby, once they're born. No one talks about how to take care of you know, I know, no one talks about how to take care of you and your but what your body goes through and how you need to fight back. And that is why my business is primarily targeted toward this audience right now, because nobody talks about it. And it's like, no one's gonna talk about it, I'm going to talk about it. Because I need to keep my headspace clean, I need to make sure that I'm taking care of myself. And there's nothing wrong with going to an outside source and having them help you through what you're going through. My therapist didn't just talk to me about postpartum depression, he talked to me about my business, he talked to me about the feelings I was experiencing behind my business, the pressures I was putting on myself, you know, all these, like, Why was I feeling this pressure around finances and this and this and trying to put all this workload on my shoulder really, overwhelm is super self-inflicted. I learned that through him, right. And so we've figured out and navigated these things. So I would say like, for me, personally, talking to somebody has been super helpful. But also having that core group of people like your mom's on the front lines, right. And that's what I like to call them. And those are the people who have already walked what you're walking through and surrounding yourself with those people. So that way that they can kind of help you ever had those. I've had that core group of women who have helped me from day one, in this journey, and I follow people. I'm not really a big like scroller on social media. It's I feel like that's a waste of my time. Yeah, but I do have a very few couple women that I follow that are very real about what motherhood is like and how to balance that with work and things like that. But I say get your moms on the front lines and then find somebody to talk to and then I could give you I mean, we could talk about personal development all day long, but at the end of the day, I think it's just it's always filling your brain with what you know it needs and being super proactive. Like be proactive all the time. Like if you feel one little thing is off in your brain and you're starting to feel that weight of 5000 pounds on your shoulders like, get some help, like, just work on that.
Jessica McKinley 25:03
Yeah. And like, right, obviously, you know that I advocate for having a life coach, everyone should have a life coach. But there are plenty of these support systems that Councilman mentioned that are free, like those of you guys who are navigating this and are just thinking, Well, you know, I'll do it, but only if it's really necessary if I really think I'm experiencing postpartum because I can't afford it. It's like, no, there are plenty of support systems that you can do. And even she just mentioned, personal development, I that was one of the tenants and one of the requirements of being a business owner in Beachbody, which I loved. And I still require myself as a business owner. Now it's like 10 minutes a day mandatory, have some sort of personal development, whether that's a podcast and listening to this, and this is your form of self care. And you just like lock yourself in the bathroom for a little bit and, or, you know, you just say like, Hey, to a friend, and you're able to ask for help. They say it takes a village, it really does. And in the 21st century, we don't have that village built in like, it takes a village is not just some funny saying it was based in the way that motherhood used to be historically, where the village raised the children, the women of the village, collectively, yes, the modern world has brought in a lot of conveniences, and a lot of people like to highlight how, Oh, when I was your age, you know, like grandparents, like, we didn't have these newfangled things like bottle warmers, or this, that and the other thing, it's like, you know what, yeah, but maybe your mother was home and lived either with you or right nearby. And that is less and less common, you know, my mom lives in Miami. I know, I don't know about your support system. There too. But I think that it is very common to for even if your mother or your mother in law lives down the road, it's not the same capacity or expectation that the village is going to take care of. So, therefore, you need to advocate for yourself to bring in that village. And it's not just with help for the baby, like you said, within those books, it's with help for basic things that you need to do for yourself. And one that I would love to segue into here. I know for me, it was my number one saving grace that helps me get through postpartum was working out and physically taking care of myself and making sure that I got in at least 20 minutes, a day of exercise. So talk about that, like how, what are the tenants of fighting back for yourself as a woman through motherhood? What is it that you're advocating for?
Kelsey Smith 27:47
Yeah, so I actually just created a five-day free series on this. So I'm actually the reason that she brought this up. Because I think that there are five major components to what you need to be focused on once the baby's born in order to come your best self. So this feels how this deals with business is because if you want to be a good business owner, you need to prioritize yourself first anyways. And so I have met, I mean, I always have believed that you know, my business is there as a direct reflection of how much I'm taking care of myself. And I can say that on behalf of everybody else. So my five things that I'm really passionate about is number one is sleep. Obviously, you have to get good sleep, and I was somebody who was such an every time someone would like sleep when the baby sleeps, I'm like, that's when I work my business like I'm really not gonna happen. But I the more I research, and the more I learned about it, I realized I you don't need to sleep for hours with your baby, like you need 15 to 20 minutes of rest, right? Like, you need to make sure you're communicating with your spouse. Like if you're up all night with a newborn. And obviously the newborn stages like go without exception. It's crazy. It's time, but prioritizing sleep, especially now that my daughter is two years old. I'm still in bed early to get up early. And I'm so productive with that. So sleep is a huge one, nutrition and water. Like we need to be eating healthy. We need to be filling our bodies with good foods. Like we need to understand that. It's not about diet culture, it's about treating yourself good. Like it's about feeding yourself foods that is going to make you feel better, right? And so that goes with drinking lots of water and making sure when you're viewing that stuff. It's like it's a form of self care. It's not punishing yourself. It's not saying no I can't eat the pizza. It's just saying what is going to make me feel my best right now. Like you said, my third one is working out fitness every single day. You cannot ever come to me and tell me that you don't think that workout as important. It's a stress reliever. It is my time for me as a mom to recharge myself to move my body to get those endorphins and I come out of that better every single time that I move my body and there's so many different ways to get movement and it's as simple as going outside and taking a 15 minute walk right. Get your body moving and that's going to help you my last two things that I prioritize number is number four is baby breaks. Hey, this is very like I could go to probably it probably didn't
Jessica McKinley 30:03
you now had we had the title I don't even like it's explained Yes. All the way
Kelsey Smith 30:09
but just know this way is for those of you especially first time moms who are gonna fall into this like I have, you need time away from your kid like you need time to be you. And that is one thing. It's it is a form of self care. Because we need to be able to do things alone and find the things that bring us joy, and my business brings me so much joy. And when I'm constantly thinking about having to be a mom and all my other responsibilities are like reading books and laying house out in the sun, all that stuff brings me joy. And we forget about those things when we become moms because our schedule is so full with what they need. But what I learned very quickly, is that I'm teaching my daughter how to be a mother right now. Yes, and she is watching my every move. And I don't I think back and I don't want to look into the future and for her to see her exhausted and stressed out and never leaving her baby behind and living her life just because she thinks that that's what's going to take to be a good mom, I think that I'm a better mother to her when I have that 25 minutes to myself, when I go to Starbucks on a Friday, and work for three hours on a passion project that I'm excited about. Like that makes me a better mom. And it helps her become more independent. And it teaches her what's going to be good for her future. And then my last one is adult time. Just being on a call me right now. And talking to a person that can communicate with me and doesn't have a tantrum and throw stuff on the ground, we need that. And that means and you know, adult time is goes half and half, it's your it's your friend, because mom's on the front lines, it's also your spouse, you know, I make sure that those are always prioritized in my schedule, because those five things that I just mentioned. And again, I have that I have them all in a five day free series, if I can more than happy to pass on to your listeners, those five things are gonna, that's all forms of self care, and it's all going to make you a better mom. So again, I'm going to say it one more time, like we're teaching them how to be parents. And we're teaching them how they're gonna have to Mother their children. And that's just, I don't know what when I heard that for the first time, that just kind of shifted everything. For me,
Jessica McKinley 32:14
I love that so much. I love the expression, it like rocked my world, I'll never forget it. More is caught than taught. And you can tell your child's that it's one way to live your life, but they are going to learn more from watching you than you are from what you are teaching them in a traditional sense, you're teaching them by living your life, you your example, of your life is the greatest gift that you can give them. So prioritizing yourself 100%. And I it's so funny that you just said about baby breaks, because one of the insecurities and the fears and the things I noticed was coming up for me yesterday when I was getting coaching was around the fact that with my son, I am a shared custody mom. So I have him most of the time. Not most of the time, we have like, quote unquote 5050. But I do have him almost every other day in some capacity for some sort of hours. And I have worked out this schedule and gotten used to having built in breaks that aren't by choice. So when I was bringing this up to the person who was coaching me, I said, you know, like I've mastered co parenting and she was like, good, because you're co parenting with Mark, too. And I was like, Oh, it didn't even occur to me that it's the same thing. And if you view it as the same thing in co parenting and if you know, and I said it's so interesting, because I think I've been looking at one of our greatest strengths, which is that we have so much flexibility Mark and I both work from home. We both have, like really flexible schedules in that we can create our own hours. We set our own schedules, we we are very good at managing time, both of us as a liability. I've been like, well, with Calvin, I didn't have a choice. So I didn't have to feel any of the emotional guilt that came with being away from him. Now, I have to rethink about like, making the choice to be away from my child and not making that mean that I am not a great mom and thinking of it as being a great mom. And I know that I teach this to my clients, right? But it's, it's a new practice for me. And when I was in that first two years of raising my son, I didn't set up a support system. So I just ran with the story of I don't have one because my family wasn't there. I had no mom friends nearby. I like I was one of my only friends that to have a kid early. Now, of course with the second baby, like, all of my friends are either pregnant or just had babies, or like trying to get pregnant. And I'm like, Okay, now I feel that more sense of community. But if you're listening to this, and you're like, oh, I don't have a community or I don't have that support system, preach, and then I was a single mom, and you have to create that network and that support system for yourself. And bringing this back to the idea of competing self-concepts. If a CEO versus motherhood, I don't think that they have to be a versus it's like, how can we think about going and being in our business? Or how can I think about my week, as a reflection of my core values, and scheduling an equally not just scheduling work, and then the rest is my time with my family or my baby, but it's like scheduling in all of the things that Kelsey mentioned scheduling in your time with your baby, and your time away from your baby for adult time, your baby breaks your time for your workouts, or whatever form of self-care is the ones that are non-negotiable for you. And then also scheduling in of course, your work, but not compartmentalizing them. So that when work has a crazy time, you're just like, oh, whatever else is left over, when you're working, you're thinking, Oh, I really shouldn't be with my child. And when you're with your child, you're thinking, I really shouldn't be with my work, I shouldn't be working. And then you're never fully present. That ability to think of it as one thing as one life. And as just like you are both a CEO and a mom, they can be important to you. And when you're with one ear not compromising the other. Do you think that you have any like, even like mantras or thoughts that you've adopted now that help you to be present with your job when you're there or with your kid when you're there?
Kelsey Smith 37:04
Yeah, that is I think all I tell myself as Are you being president, where your feet are? Yeah, and that is one thing that I've constantly asked myself because I honestly think that where most moms struggle, and where I have personal reason I know this is because this is where I struggled. So when I say most moms, I always speak from my own experience. I'm not just zooming, we think that we need to have balance and balance to me, I hate that word so much for you. Like you can't, you just have to prioritize, right. And so whenever the greatest gift that we can give to our children, is to be present with them when we are with them. And the greatest gift we can give to our business is to be all in when we're in our business. Like, I always think about my phone, like if my kids look at me, you know, this is what my kid sees, right? And you can't see, if you're listening to a podcast, if I'm on my phone in front of her working my business, she sees the back of my phone, not let me space, you know, and then when I'm trying to do business calls, don't get me wrong. Like there's gonna be days where she's there's time napping right now. But she would normally be on my on my chair behind me like looking around. It's hard. But at the same time, you have to forget this whole balance thing. And just know that you're doing your best at the end of every single day. Like are there days where I go to sleep and say, I really wish I wasn't on a zoom while she was you know, why didn't have to give her an iPad so I can get through zoom call? Yes, of course I do that. But at the same time, I'm like, she had a great day, I had a great day we made memories together, I always prioritize what's important to me. And I truly believe this. And this could be like something that you take away from this call, whatever it is, I just want you to hear me on this is just, you will always find time for what you prioritize. And your schedule is going to constantly change. And you're going to create a schedule as a mom, you're going to be like today is the day, I'm going to master my schedule. And then your kids going to get sick or the dog is going to need to go to the vet and then life is going to curve me crazy life doesn't it's never going to stop happening around you. You just have to continue to prioritize it. I can even say in the midst of the most chaotic isn't my life. I've done what I needed to do for my business. Yes, so good. found a way. I've always found a way because I don't focus so much on trying to keep again, you can't see me right now maybe some of you can. But yeah, on YouTube, I'm trying to over here like going blue, blue, blue, like trying to keep it balanced. And it's never going to be like that. It's like how can I Okay, this is what's important at this very second. How can I give my all to this? Okay, now I'm back over here. How can I give my all to this? And that's what I do. So, I mean, like I said, you and I could probably talk about this for three hours, but like, I know, getting off the phone being present with her. And then when I'm working my business, I am very zoned in on working my business. Yeah, so that is just something to like the whole balancing. It doesn't work. So again, that's a long winded answer to my mantra Is I'm always my goal, because again, I'm not perfect. My goal is to be present where my feet are.
Jessica McKinley 40:07
Yeah. Yeah. And I love what you said too about like, yes. Okay, do we wish that, that we didn't have to sometimes give our kid extra screen time to do it like, the reality is that sometimes sacrifices need to be made or short term, quick fixes have to be in place in order to meet a deadline or, you know, get something done that is time sensitive. But at the end of the day, it's like, if another thing that has really helped me with this, like mom guilt thing is just the idea of quality time, over quantity of time, I think that a lot of moms associate quantity of time with being a good mother. And I've completely let that go. And I think one of it was just my forced situation of going into shared parenting and co parenting from separate homes. There were times when I was just away from my son. And I had to like, say, like, am I not as good of a mom, because I'm not there for all of his moments of his life. And I just had to bridge that gap. And I think it's been so helpful for me to really see that, like, I have such an amazing, healthy, arguably healthier relationship with my son. Because of the space that I get from being around the clock, the person that is completely like, on just available to him, because your kids, and whoever is in front of you will exploit you, like will, will take everything from you if you let them too. So you need to draw those boundaries for yourself. And you really need to like safeguard your time and your priorities. And I think, for me being really clear about like, Okay, what does quality time look like? And so, what I realized pretty quickly at the age that my son was at was, obviously, again, newborn stage with standing like that is around the clock job, there's nothing really, you can do about that for the very little bit. But then it's like, alright, you know what, my child really kind of gets sick of me after like two straight hours, like he's like, okay, like, he needs some time to like, just play with a toy, or he wants to watch a movie, or he wants to, you know, FaceTime my mom, or whatever he wants to do. And it's like, it's okay. Or even going to school. I know, some moms are like, oh, you know, putting them in daycare, it's like, everybody's situation is a little bit different. But as long as you're prioritizing the time that you're with them is quality, then that will give you the relationship that you are craving with your child, that relationship isn't forged over, like ours punched in and punched out. So we can start to give ourselves back more time just by thinking about time in terms of quality instead of in terms of amount.
Kelsey Smith 43:08
Absolutely. And I think another thing just to add on to that is communication with your child is just as important. Like I think it's so vital that they know what you're doing. You know, if you're going to take time away from your baby, tell them why it's crazy. For the last two years. My daughter is only two years old, she just turned two a couple of weeks ago, and she has no idea what I'm saying. But when she was six months old, I would tell her I'd say hey, Mommy's going to be on her phone for the next 20 minutes getting some things done for work. And when she's done, she's all yours. And I still do that to this day. Because I'm what again, I'm doing is I'm setting an example for her when mommy's working, mommy's working. But I'm always going to come back, I'm always going to be there for you. I'm always going to be there when you need me. So the thing is, she has no idea what that means. But she is going to understand that one day, and I'm sure your son does too. It's like Mommy has to work. She doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with you. But when she's done, let's do this, you know. And so I think that communication with your child, we think that we just like we always feel this mom guilt, we're like, oh, like can't, like they don't understand what's going on. And they just want their mom it's the truth is is like they don't get it, but they're going to get it. And if you're honest with communication, they're going to realize that the reason that you chose this route for yourself is to be present with them more is to
Jessica McKinley 44:26
you're entering a fun stage. Like I mean, first of all threes is a trip but fours really is the best five awesome, but like they start to you're like all these things. If you start to see it, click like my son will ask all the time. Oh, if he comes home, and either me or mark aren't there or his dad also we all work out as a regular part of our routine. So if we're not like in the house, like right when he walks in, he's always like, are you on a run? Were you at the gym? Were you in working out? Or when we first wake up? It's like, Oh, do you have have to work out right now. Like he understands like, is that what we're doing? And he's a great eater as well, and he eats vegetables and he thinks food is fun. Because at a very young age, I wasn't like, treating him like a child that America says. Kids have to order chicken fingers and french fries. Granted does might sound like chicken fingers and french fries. Yes, he does. But he also likes spicy tuna rolls are on a budget. So like, No, you're not having spicy tuna, like every night of the week. That's what he really would want. But it's like, yes, you can start to introduce things earlier to them. Before they get it. I completely agree with you. And that will help you especially with working hours and understanding. The other day I was mailing out stuff for clients workbooks. And I he wanted to draw on something he drew on the back of one envelope like CAA, he's starting to like learn to write his name. And I was like, ah, that's going to a client, please don't. So I had to like, replace it. And then he saw it later on my desk. And he was like, I thought you were sending this to your client today. He's five. And I was like, Yes, well, I sent a different one I didn't have it's not important. But he like understands the basics of like, I have clients and me as clients. Even though I work from home, I created my business out of thin air, right? Like, a lot of you guys you think oh, your business isn't really you're not treating it like a business, start to show your child, the CEO self concept of you. And they will start to treat you as that authority figure and make the separation themselves. When you go into if you have an office in your house, if you work from home, I know that's like the new life, you can shut the door. And you could say Mommy's gonna be on a call with a client or Mommy has a zoom call, or Mommy is doing this, like this is the time that whatever it is exactly, like you said, and I'll be back and during this time, these are your boundaries, the same way we would deal with working out would be like mommy's working out right now you can have a snack or whatever you need, like after the 30 minutes or 40 minutes is up, and then that's fine. And people will tell me all the time, oh, my kid interrupts me or they need me me. Well, you can start to explain to them that there are boundaries, know the beginning, they're not going to get it, they're not going to like it, they're going to push back because they only see you as their mom. But if you start to excel, like relate to your kids and say like, oh, I'm a mama, I'm always your mama. But I'm also this person to these. I'm a CEO here, they start to get it, they just get it and it clicks. I mean, my son sees me come into here, he doesn't even try and come into the room anymore. Which is so, so nice. I thought was never gonna happen. So those of you who are in that like two stage where they're like, super divided, and they're like, they're never gonna listen to me. It's like, eventually it does click so just keep at it as they will eventually, eventually see you as a CEO and you'll be so grateful to your past self for doing the work. Like you said, being proactive about it from the get go. Yeah. Oh, much. Anything else that we want to add up? Definitely for you guys who want to connect with Kelsey. In the show notes we'll have your ways for you to follow her over on Instagram. She is such a fun personality. She definitely is not shy about sharing her Steelers fan ship fandom ship. And about that five day freebie, we'll find that way to get that to you guys as well whether the link is in the show notes or whether I'm sure you can get it over on her Instagram as well. But is there any last words of wisdom that you want to impart on our listeners about those two competing self concepts the CEO and motherhood
Kelsey Smith 49:02
I think that if I could just say one thing it's just to leave you all with this it's that you can have it all like you have it all and you can have it all you don't have to choose and that is I get emotional talking about it because I hear, I see so many of my own personal clients and coaches that come on to my team that give up just because they don't have the time or they can't find the energy. And I just wish that I could scream from the rooftops and I'm just grateful for this platform right now because I don't care. Here's me I need to say it like you can do this and you don't have to be perfect at it and oh my gosh, I know that just to back me up on this but we just we're not in that sounds like we have it all figured out. Probably you probably listen you're like well, we still haven't got no we don't. And we're about to get her I mean, I know that you said you carry some errands but we're about to both get our shit rocked and the time's right and oh yeah, it's gonna all change again and we could probably do this conversation, you know, eight months down the road and completely different because we've had to So I had to pivot may think that, you know, if I could speak in the terms of Ross Geller from friends, it's to always be okay with the pivot be okay with adjusting and just remember that, like you're, you can do whatever you want, don't give up on your dreams you are building this for them. They're watching you and let them reap the rewards of your hard work. That's the beauty of it, like going to Disney World a couple of weeks ago, was watching my daughter reap the benefits of why I worked so hard. And nothing will ever beat that. And there's she's only two. Can you imagine what the next 50 years are going to be like for her? Because I've worked my butt off for it. You can have it all. I appreciate you having me on.
Jessica McKinley 50:41
Yeah, no, I just I couldn't agree with it. Like the words that come out of yourself more, I'm sure like I'm over here just like nodding my head like fist-bumping so good. And yes, I can't wait for everyone to connect with you. If you are a listener over on Chelsea's platform as well. I don't know whether we're gonna shoot this over there and you're listening over there. Definitely. If you are a business owner that is about to enter into motherhood and you are trying to figure out how to schedule a how to budget how to set yourself up for success. How to get proactive. Connect with me on Instagram at what's happening, W Jess, and let's make sure that you don't give up on one of these self-concepts that is so important to you. Like Kelsey said, you absolutely can have it all and by having it all that doesn't necessarily mean you have to do it all yourself. All right, darling, thank you so much for coming on. And we will see you out on the interwebs
Kelsey Smith 51:43
All right, thanks for having me. Bye.
Jessica McKinley 51:46
Hey Happters. If you want to learn more about today's topic, head over to what's happening.com forward-slash podcasts. That's what's happening. podcast that's what's happening w-h-a-t-s-h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g com forward slash podcast if you're a business owner and you're resonating with what we talk about here what are you even doing come hang out with me over where the party's at on Instagram at what's happening w jets again that's happy h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g and book a discovery call to see if coaching is your next best step