No, I am not going to read your palm. No, I am not going to tell you that your moon rising is the reason that you haven’t found Mr. or Mrs. Right. This post is not a mystical theory and it’s not going to change anything about you or your partner. It WILL however, make you realize why your girlfriend maybe doesn’t give you praise when you buy her flowers. It will also explain why maybe your husband gets so worked up when you answer a text during dinner. None of your previous boyfriends cared that much. What is his deal!? What is her deal!?
There is a simple answer. You are not speaking your partners love language.
I am not going to even pretend that this is my original idea. One of my happiness gurus in Love is Gary Chapman. He wrote the incredibly insightful book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. The core values of the book are so important but to be honest, and no offense Gar, but I just didn’t feel like he was talking to me. Just as I have felt with my most FAVORITE personal development books, Mr. Chapman was speaking to people in the 30 and up crowd. So if you find his tone a bit “Mr. Rogersy” don’t worry. I’m gonna break it down for you.
EXPERIMENT: Discover your love language AND your partners too.
Here are Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages:
Acts of Service: This person is smitten when they wake up to a house cleaned for them or come home to a nice meal prepared for them. Unbeknownst to me, THIS is my husband’s primary love language. I can express myself in all of the other languages, but he feels the MOST loved when I make a point to fill up the gas tank for him, or send his cousin a birthday card on our behalf. I would NEVER have guessed that this could be so vital to a relationship.
Quality Time: This person craves the undivided attention of their partner. They feel hurt when you look at your phone or the TV when they’re talking to you.
Physical Touch: This person probably feels unloved if they are sitting on the opposite end of the couch as their partner while watching TV. They probably also need lots of sex to feel fulfilled in a romantic relationship.
Gifts: This person feels that gifts are the best way to express love. Pretty self-explanatory. This doesn’t necessarily mean spend tons of money, it just means this person sees your love in the thoughtfulness of your gifts. Make sure you don’t forget your anniversary!
Words of Affirmation: For this person, actions don’t speak louder than words. They feel loved the most, simply when you tell them so. So…. you should probably tell them so.
If you read over the 5 languages and aren’t sure which one is yours or your partners’, try taking this quiz!
Knowing your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiancé/friend-you’ve-always-wanted-to-take-to-the-next-level’s love language is CRUCIAL in having a happy relationship.
Just because you feel loved when your partner gives you a thoughtful gift, doesn’t mean that they feel the same way. They might prefer that you substitute a physical gift with some quality time for just the two of you. That might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people end up spliting without having any idea why!
“I told her I loved her every time we hung up the phone and before we went to bed. She still said I wasn’t showing her I loved her. I don’t get it.”
“Our sex life was great. Or so I thought. Then he told me our connection was fading. Every guy’s dream is to have sex 5 times a week, how did he not feel the love?”
Do you feel like you’re misconnecting with your partners love language? Realize that everyone is different and that you need to love your love the way they feel most loved. Ya catch my drift? 😉
What’s your love language? Mine is Words of Affirmation (with Quality Time & Physical Touch in close 2nd and 3rd place). Hoping this gives you a fresh perspective on how to show your partner you care. Share your experience in the comments!