It’s a bit obvious to say I have a unique family dynamic because, of course, no family is the same. But the most unique thing about my particular family, is that I have four, living grandparents and two, living step grandparents. Four of the six are featured in my wedding procession above (from L to R: my maternal grandmother, studly cousin Jay, paternal mother, paternal grandfather and my paternal grandfather’s wife). I have a close, personal relationship with each of them, but I suddenly realized, I am STILL taking them for granted.
Our grandparents are god damn national treasures. They have lived through times that we cannot travel back to, they have stories that they want to share, legacies they want to leave behind, but too often, as twentysomethings we (more…)
Does your bestie live in another state? How about a friend in another COUNTRY? Chances are good you have some sort of family or friend who doesn’t live in your town. Well, I’m wondering… how do you keep in touch?
As new social media and communication platforms continue to explode onto the scene, we have adapted and changed the ways that we communicate with our friends. We “snap our story” instead of reaching out, text instead of call, skype instead of write letters, facetime instead of go over to a friend’s house. All in all, it has become more convenient to stay “in touch”.
Naturally, this caused a shift. People now (more…)
We will always be our parents’ children. That is not something we can outgrow. Even when you are 60 years old, have built a legacy, and a family, you will STILL be your parents’ child. You can’t change being their child, but you CAN stop acting like one! Want “adult respect”? Let’s experiment with how to EARN IT.
Adult Respect /rəˈspekt/
The feeling of deep admiration for a twentysomething by an elder, elicited by the twentysomething’s actions, attitude, and ability to keep their shit together.
Synonyms: Pending. This is a very real thing that I coined five minutes ago.
I apologize in advance for all the puns but I can’t help myself. Today’s experiment might sound silly but it is SO important.
Before doing some (very unusual and not surprisingly, FUN) research, I felt very mixed about the relationship between sex education and happiness. I was pretty certain most of my happiness in the bedroom did not come from a book or a website, but rather from *ahem* hands-on research.
I mean, our ancestors certainly didn’t need a Tantric Sex Anthology to help them sort out how to put a P in a V.
The time when breakfast tastes like rainbows and every joke your partner makes is comparable to Amy Schumer stand-up.
The time when your partner asks if you’re comfortable snuggling and even though you are about to chew your dead arm off, you respond: “Yeah, babe. So comfy.”
The time when you shirk responsibilities, ignore phone calls, and neglect your friends and family to have a sex marathon and stay up late saying, “No, you hang up!”
This rose-tinted phase is so awesome you may feel like you’re on drugs while in it and feel like a train has hit you when you come down from it. It’s completely normal and fabulous and awful at the same time when you’re in it, but when you see someone else in it, it can also seem delusional.
Since I know most of us will go through at LEAST one honeymoon phase in our lifetime, and not all of them will evolve into forever, let’s lay some ground rules to safeguard our lives from the turmoil that can result from an intense “honeymoon phase”:
SEEING THROUGH ROSE-TINTED GLASSES
Heed Your Advisors. If your most trusted advisor (Ie. Your mom or your best friend) still has an eyebrow raised after a few times of meeting your partner. There is probably a major flaw that is invisible to you, thanks to your “Honeymoon Phase” blinders. Even though it may burst your glorious bubble, better to look under the proverbial mask of your partner now than later. That’s a mixed metaphor, but you get it. If your bestie tells you your guy comes across as a player, you might want to open your eyes to the possibility that they aren’t just lying because they want you to be single forever. They might just see something you can’t.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags.The sweet honeymoon phase is that time when most people ignore the little red flags going up about their partner. It’s more than OKAY to be easy going about flaws, in fact, it’s something you should try to harness even after the honeymoon phase has passed. That being said, make sure you set some “non-negotiables”. Mine are the following:
I will never date a smoker or drug user.
I will not date a liar.
I will not date someone who is disrespectful.
I will not date someone who let’s me compromise my priorities for them.
It is common to let some of your core values slip when you are under the influence of the Honeymoon Phase. Is it so bad that he told me he was 28 and he’s really 35? But he apologized! And he’s so cute! And he noticed that time I got my hair cut, which was so huge. …….. YES, if your core values are not to date a liar and they blatantly lie to you off the bat, it’s probably a RED FLAG.
KEEPING YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT
Go to Work/Class/Appointments. (Self-explanatory.)
Don’t Flake On Your Friends & Family. I couldn’t completely leave this out because everyone does it but don’t make me explain why it’s a no-no. Just try not to do it.
GROW & LEARN 👌 BUT DON’T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE ☝
Be honest & unapologetically you. It is easy to fudge some details when you are first getting to know someone. You are cozy in your love suite, so why rock the boat and tell them you actually hate animals, when they tell you that they plan on taking over their family’s farm? Ummm… because eventually, you are going to look like a big liar, and that is not something you can bounce back from. Maybe he will be cool with it, and offer to help you see a different side of the farm life [insert sexy overalls and hay scene] or maybe he will say that his Paw and Maw come first, in which case, you’re still you and you didn’t waste either of your precious twenties misleading each other.
Use the burst of energy to be a sponge for new good habits. The honeymoon phase is one of those magical times where you are able to grow and change more rapidly than normal. Use the energy that your new found “puppy love” gives you to pick up good habits from your partner. Is your new squeeze an adventure seeker? You’ll find that suddenly you are more willing to go outside your comfort zone with someone holding your hand, and that is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Is your new partner a gym rat? I know you swore off all forms of exercise, but maybe now you’re open to the idea of a short sunrise run. I said short, let’s not get crazy and sign up for a marathon on your first date. (Or do. Might be fun.) The point is, that there is nothing more empowering than a new partner, so take advantage and be a sponge for GROWTH!
KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE PHASE
Graduation to Mature Love. The honeymoon phase will eventually end. That’s why it’s called a phase. But this is an essential process that will result in one of three situations:
A.You will see each other more clearly and flaws will come to light. You will feel a desire for your partner to change (and become more like you). One person will feel trapped and another abandoned and you will part ways not necessarily because of a bad match but because you FAIL TO PROPERLY COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS.
B.Situation A, + you will communicate and realize that although you enjoyed each other’s company and care for one another, you are not a good long-term match.
C.Situation A, + you will communicate and realize that you have to respect each other’s personal goals, space, and needs. You agree to be more open-minded and work through the flaws because even with all the lights on, your relationship is still beautiful and worth it. CONGRATS! YOU HAVE GRADUATED TO MATURE LOVE!
My honeymoon phase with my husband was AMAZING. We literally laid in bed staring at each other. (Gross! I thought those things only happened in the movies!) When I told him I had previous plans to drive cross-country for 2 weeks with 2 male friends from college, he said, “That’s awesome!” He was PERFECT with my family, and appeared sexy in literally everything he wore.
But, I am not particularly proud of anything I accomplished in my life while in this phase. I didn’t start any new creative projects or make a point to meet new people or learn. We were both completely consumed and I am SO glad to have balance back because:
HONEYMOON HAPPINESS IS UNSUSTAINABLE.
Share your honeymoon phase experiences (good and bad) in the comments below!